whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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