Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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