hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
