The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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