I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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