Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
