So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
