When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
