Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
