i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
