just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
