I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
