i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
