dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
