She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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