I'm so fucking centered right now
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
