I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
