Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
