the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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