I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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