first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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