i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
