The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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