oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
