I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
