I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
