note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have started to decorate penises.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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