I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
