Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
