Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
