yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
