Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
