i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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