i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
