I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
