How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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