Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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