i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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