no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
