Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
