she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
