Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
