Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
