At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
