yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
