if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
