I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
