Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
