How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
