Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
