one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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