I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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