It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
