so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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